Word Medley

I stole the title of this post from Cheri Huber a wonderful zen master teacher. I like this saying and the truth of it hit me recently when I started to take knitting classes. So how do I approach knitting? Well, I’m impatient to get it right the first time, obsessed with finishing my project as quickly as possible and I get really mad at myself when I make a mistake. Hmmm, furthermore sometimes I don’t pay as close attention as I think I do and on the plus side I feel really proud when I’m able to complete a project to my satisfaction. So yup, that kind of is how I approach everything in my life.

The good news is human beings are not static creatures. We learn, change and regroup. The women at the yarn store where I’ve been taking knitting lessons have been amazingly patient and kind. The other day they passed on some nuggets of wisdom (as they pulled apart half of the ribbing rows I’d done incorrectly) that I think not only apply to knitting but to writing as well.

•  It’s all about practice and experience. The more you do it the better you’ll get.
•  There’s no one “right” way to do things. Everyone is unique and will develop their own style. Don’t let anyone tell you differently.
• Correcting your mistakes is all part of the process
• When you need to revise, take a breath, relax and start again.

Writing and knitting seem to be offering me the opportunity to learn the same lessons. It’s funny how the universe works isn’ it? 

I can’t actually afford to live where I grew up but I still visit. The simple tract house my parents bought in Northern California in the fifties is worth about a million dollars these days. Their neighborhood is definitely out of my price range at this point in time. The youngest of five children I’m the only one born after my parents bought that house. I grew up there. It’s almost impossible for me to imagine anyone else ever living in our family home. It’s hard to visualize someone else in my mom’s kitchen or in the backyard watering her roses. After all it’s been hers for over fifty years. . .longer than I’ve been alive. I have so many memories, both good and bad, wrapped up in that house that it has taken on a life of its own.

It occurred to me on a recent trip home that a large part of my identity was tied up in the past—in the memories that live in that house. Am I who I am because of where I grew up and how I was raised? Yeah, probably, that’s part of it. I also think we’re all born with our own unique identity that starts to emerge the minute we’re born. I guess it’s that whole nature vs. nurture argument. I think it’s both.

On my last trip home something shifted. Sometimes realization comes when we least expect it. It finally dawned on me that I didn’t have to leave a part of myself tethered to the house I was raised in. My parents’ home didn’t need to be like a scrapbook that I took out occasionally in order to review the good, the bad and everything in between. It was no longer necessary for those memories, the formative years of my life, to exist in a separate box. I realized that I could take all those recollections, feelings and experiences and embrace them. All the complicated emotions that swirl around childhood and adolescence no longer live in my parents’ home. Now they exist in my heart so that wherever I go in the future, all of me goes forward. 

I was out of town for two weeks and thought for sure I’d be able to blog from the road. What’s that saying, “We plan and god laughs.”  Well that about sums it up. Of course now that I’m back home I’ve gotten the flu and every time I try to look at the computer screen my head feels like it’s going to explode.  So this is just a quick post to say I’ll be back to my regular blogging schedule asap. I hope to have some guest bloggers join me as well.

Sometimes I wonder if social media is the antithesis of a quiet mind. I’ve meditated regularly for over ten years. One of the things I strive for is being in the present moment without judgments about myself or anything going on around me. Yet in order to provide content for a blog or twitter you need to have an opinion about something. You must have content to share. That means finding something either interesting, relevant or funny enough to contribute—it’s a judgment call.

I’ve been wondering if there’s a way to share content that’s more zen like because sometimes, the truth is, I just don’t feel like I have anything to say. I want to connect with others but I don’t necessarily want to have to be pithy or relevant or full of valuable content. I just want to acknowledge the present moment—what other people are doing, producing or going through. Sometimes I think acknowledgement and connecting with others is just as important as valuable content.

What do you think?

Here’s a list of my favorite posts from around the web this week. If you haven’t had a chance to read them, check these great posts out over the weekend.

Notes from the Handbasket — post by author Bill Cameron on related stand-alone books.

Breast Cancer: My Big Pink Protest — thought-provoking post from a cancer survivor regarding the pink.

Write What You Know: Settings — author Debra Webb discusses choosing a setting for your book and whether to write about a place you’ve been or one you have to research.

NYU Professer Stifles Blogging and Twittering by Journalism Student — I think the description says it all.

Genre Blending — author Allison Brennan disscusses the evolution of blending genres such as romance and mystery.

Over the last several weeks I’ve attempted to identify a common thread between the different authors/books that I like to read. Is there a certain kind of character I seem to like? Do the authors I read write in a similar style? Do I enjoy a certain setting? The answer to every question I asked myself was no. So, what on earth was the draw? Why do I prefer certain books over others?

I started to think it might be the story itself. That maybe I just like a good story told well. Meh, that really wasn’t it. It finally dawned on me that I like reading stories that pull me in emotionally. What I mean by that is that I have to care or like something about the characters, situation, setting or the story itself. I have to feel some emotional connection with something going on in the writing.

I’ve read wonderfully written books in which every sentence was a piece of art—but I didn’t give a damn about the characters or their lives. Absolutely beautiful writing just doesn’t do it for me. I can admire it, but it doesn’t guarantee that I’ll love the story or the book.

So, I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m an emotional reader. I need to be engaged not only mentally with a story but emotionally. I need to feel somehow invested in the characters and their challenges. I need to feel worried, scared, happy, or hopeful, as the case may be, for the characters I read about.

For me, the best part of reading is being pulled into another world. In that world my imagination fills out the images behind the words. I like losing myself in the many different worlds created in books. When I finish a good book I come away feeling both mentally and emotionally satisfied.

Yes, I’ll admit it. I’m an emotional reader and that’s okay.

Here’s the thing about being self-employed—you are your own boss. Yes, you answer to your clients, customers, publisher, or readers as far as deadlines and product output are concerned, but ultimately as chief bottle washer you’re in charge.

 So, what kind of boss are you to work for? Do you motivate with criticism and sarcasm? Are you supportive or snide? It is definitely an issue to be aware of because if you’re self-employed you have an opportunity to be the kind of boss you’ve always wished for.

 What are the attributes of a good boss? Here’s what I’ve come up with so far:

• They give you the training you need to do your job.
• They clearly outline their expectations for your work and conduct.
• They’re happy for you when you’re doing well and they listen when you have a problem.
• They acknowledge a job well done and give you fair notice if they are unhappy with your work.
• They figure out what motivates you so that they can help you do your job.
• They trust you to do the job well.
• They’re honest with you.
• They have a sense of humor about work and life.

If these are the qualities I would want in a great boss, then the next question is do I treat myself as well as I’d want someone else to treat me? I think the answer for most people who are self-employed is probably not. Occasionally, we may pat ourselves on the back for a job well done but on a daily basis I bet we’re downright snarky.

So what should you do if you’re self-employed and realize your boss really isn’t as supportive as they (you) could be?

I think awareness is always the first step towards a solution. Think about how you treat yourself when it comes to your work. Imagine if you did have a boss how you’d like them to treat you. Put together your own list of what makes a great boss. Go through the list and ask yourself how you can integrate those qualities into your work life, your thoughts, and how you treat yourself.

For instance, do you have unrealistic expectations of what you can accomplish? Have you ever given yourself a list of clear attainable goals to work with? If not, what are you waiting for?

Make a commitment to yourself to be the best boss you can be. It doesn’t have to happen overnight. Make time once a month to review your goals, the state of your business, and your own personal satisfaction with the situation. Assess the condition of your business to see if anything needs to be changed or fine-tuned. Treat yourself, the way you would want the best boss in the world to treat you. A happy employee is productive, loyal, and a true asset to your organization–which, in the case of the self-employed, is you!

Here’s a list of my favorite posts from around the web this week. If you haven’t had a chance to read them, check these great posts out over the weekend.

• Can A Bad Review End Your Career?
  This is a post by best-selling author Tess Gerritsen about how bad reviews can affect your career as writer.

• A Flamenco Obsession 
  This is a great post by Michelle Hauf about, you guessed it, Flamenco dancing. Great photos and music recommendations. If you like Dancing with the Stars you’ll enjoy this post.

• How Gwen and Joel Met on Twitter and Got Engaged 
  This is one of those “awww” human interest stories. It outlines how two people met initially on Twitter, then met in person, fell in love, and got engaged.

• Score of the Week 
  Donald Maas is offering his book The Career Novelist as a free download for a limited amount of time.  Who couldn’t use another book on writing, espcially a free one.

• Setting Goals
  If you’re a writer looking for some solid advice on setting on managing your work and setting realistic goals read this post by author JT Ellison. 

• If You Like Allison Brennan
  If you missed my guest blog on DearAuthor.com now’s your chance to read it. I did an analysis of best-selling author Allison Brennan’s writing. 

• The Frogboys
  Just for fun check out this photo by Margaret Roach. 

I still remember the moment I learned to read.

Someone, I don’t remember if it was my mom or a teacher, had been going over and over the alphabet and simple words with me. I think I’d even memorized some small words by sight. I was also sounding out words at that point too. Still, I just didn’t understand that when you put all the letters and words together that they actually conveyed meaning—that they were a different kind of language than talking.

One day sitting on my bunk bed, on top of the blue bedspread of my childhood, I started to look at a “big persons” book. Something just “clicked” and all the foundation work that my mom and teacher had done came together. I got it. I understood that words strung together made up stories and those stories could be about ANYTHING! This particular story was about the marvel of bridges. I was elated and thrilled. I felt like I’d won the lottery. I’ve been reading books voraciously ever since that moment.

I don’t remember now if my mom read to me at night. I’m the youngest of five so I’m not sure how much time she had to do that. My sister might have been the one to read to me. Still, I just can’t remember being read bedtime stories. What I do remember is that my mom always had at least one book on her nightstand. I remember watching her read—a dictionary by her side to look up unfamiliar words. Mom is 83 now and her nightstand is stacked with books to be read. She also goes to a book club meeting once a month.

I’m sure I must have her to thank for my love of books. I don’t remember if she encouraged me to read or if I just picked it up by osmosis. I grew up surrounded by books and today I surround myself with them. My life would not be the same without a good book to read.

Do remember learning to read? Did someone inspire you to read as a child? I’d love to hear about your memories of being read to as a child or how you learned to read.

I must own over twenty books on how to write—everything from writing the breakout novel to the perfect query letter. I’ve dutifully read each one and tried to glean the best advice that each offered. However, I’ve come to the conclusion that the best way to learn to write, is by writing. Does that sound like circular thinking?

Whether you’re an artist, marketer, designer, writer, or ________ you fill in the blank, it seems that when we first start out we want to know how other people do it. This is a natural and logical place to begin. We are especially hungry to know the secrets of those at the top of their field. So we read books and attend conferences all with the hope that someone will tell us what our process should look like. What are the rules, how do we do this? New writers look to those on the bestsellers list and try to emulate their process: do they plot their novels, do they write in the morning or at night, do they write every day? The idea is, of course, that if we can just do what the bestsellers do, we’ll be successful too. 

I’ve learned a lot from the books on writing that I’ve read and the conversations I’ve had with other authors. Still, my process is going to be different than theirs. How often I write, when I write, and how I write, has to be different because no one’s life is exactly like mine. It’s impossible to duplicate someone else’s success because each of us will arrive at our own success differently.

I’ve come to the conclusion that the important thing is just to do it—get in there roll up your sleeves and dive in. You can’t discover what your process is if you aren’t doing the work. Sounds logical, even easy, but I think it’s scary and takes courage. Discovering, and then trusting, your own creative process is a journey fraught with mistakes, frustration, jubilation, and success. It’s a life long adventure, so what are you waiting for, start now.